


what a feeling

by willjtudor



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Violence, That's really all it is, a lot of introspection rly is there even one bit of dialogue in this whole thing?, like one line of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 10:15:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12746280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willjtudor/pseuds/willjtudor
Summary: The air is suddenly saturated with coloured powder, every colour of the spectrum mixing in the atmosphere, filling the sky with a sea of colour. And then the crowd erupts. It’s louder than it has been all day; people are jumping, shouting, kissing, hugging. The euphoria in the air is so thick it’s almost tangible.The rainbow flag draped loosely around Alec’s shoulders feels weightless. It’s where it belongs, Alec supposes.  He’s where he belongs.(or, the one where Magnus takes Alec to Pride)





	what a feeling

**Author's Note:**

> hey !! 
> 
> this is my first fic ever and i'm very nervous to post this. it's extremely personal and started out as me just wanting to write about my feelings. but then it started taking shape and turned into this ?? idk
> 
> i hope you like this. i really am not very good at writing so i'm sorry if the tenses jump around a little (i tried my hardest). this isn't beta read or anything because i was too scared to send it to anyone, so all mistakes are mine !! 
> 
> this fic has kinda become my baby in the past few days, so i hope you like reading it as much as i liked writing it.
> 
> also a special thank you to ellie, elle, ceci, des, liv, seph, alice, jodie, and jule, and everyone else on twitter who encouraged me and helped me out along the way. i love you all !!!

The air is electric. Everything feels alive, buzzing with excitement and energy. Hundreds of thousands of people are gathered down Market Street, washing it with seas of colour. Rainbows stretch as far as the eye can see, hitting the horizon and curving over as if they are wrapping around the whole planet, surrounding it with warmth and love. The crowd is wild and the cheers are so loud they’re almost deafening, but Alec doesn’t feel suffocated at all. The bright laughter that fills the air ricochets through the streets of San Francisco, and Alec can feel everyone's joy swirling through his body and rushing through his veins, desperately trying to inject every cell in him with shots of pure happiness. It almost feels a bit like magic.

The whole day has felt charged, like it’s been connected to a live wire feeding off a battery filled with euphoria. That morning had been met with the warm sun spilling into Penthouse One, the light beams bouncing off every corner of the room. Alec stirred to find Magnus already awake. The soft movement of Magnus carding his fingers through his hair, had roused him from his deep sleep. A content smile floated across Alec’s face, and Magnus leant down to repeatedly kiss Alec over every inch of exposed skin until he opened his eyes. Alec tried to pull Magnus back down into bed, but instead of feeling the warmth of the other man’s body on top of him, felt nothing but cold air instead as Magnus pulled away.

 _No proper kisses until you’re out of bed and showered_ , Magnus had said, and that was all the incentive Alec needed. With a small pout and a slight huff, Alec did as Magnus had asked, and before he even had time to lean in to get the kiss he was promised, Magnus had made a portal and Alec found himself on the streets of San Francisco.

The city felt different to New York, but also very similar. The buildings were smaller, less cramped together, but there were still people surrounding him on all sides, pushing and squeezing past him. The air was thick and sticky, and it wrapped around Alec before settling on him. The heat of the morning sun danced over Alec’s body, the warmth seeping through his skin and into his bones. It was also loud. Extremely loud. A sharp change from the serenity of the loft and the whoosh of the portal. There were people shouting everywhere, the wind carrying their screams of joy up and over their heads, into the heavens and across the world.

He felt Magnus’ hand grip his own, and could feel Magnus’ breath wash over his ear as he whispered to hold tight and look up. Alec glanced at Magnus before turning his head towards the sky, and above him, CASTRO was plastered in glaring white letters across a bright red sign. Alec’s heart skipped a beat, and that’s when he knew why they were here.

Magnus had spent countless nights telling Alec about the late 70s in The Castro. How it was a safe space, a place where people who felt scared and alone could find a new family. One that would accept them for who they were. Magnus was there for most of it - he was there when Harvey Milk was the symbol of hope, of change. He was there when the first pride flag flew on the 25th of June in 1978. He was also there when their hope was shot five times over. Magnus saw the aftermath of the assassination. He lived through the pain and darkness of the following days, and he felt the anger of injustice and the hatred that fueled the White Night Riots.

By the end of the 1970s, Magnus knew it was high time to move on from the small district. He spoke to Alec about how a safe space for some people isn’t necessarily that safe for others. He was Indonesian, an immigrant, an outsider. And people, even those who belonged to a community that was supposed to represent peace, love, and happiness, made sure he knew, sometimes in the worst ways possible. Escalating tensions meant Magnus ended up moving to Manhattan, where he had stayed until relocating to Brooklyn. However, in all the stories that he was told, Alec could see how Magnus’ eyes shone with the memories of his past, how the nostalgia that had settled within him like grief like was so strong, so ever-present, that it would never disappear. Alec could tell that The Castro meant something so special to Magnus. It represented the birth of a movement, the beginning of change. And so Alec asked, ever so tentatively one night if Magnus would take him there one day. It didn’t matter when, Alec didn’t mind really - after all, they do have eternity together. Alec had said that when it felt right, when Magnus was ready to go back, Alec would love nothing more than to join him. Magnus looked up at Alec afterwards, a soft smile slowly forming on his face. He said it would be his pleasure. And so here they were.

Alec remembers the first time he came experienced a Pride Parade. He was on patrol down Fifth Avenue with both Isabelle and Jace. Suddenly, the street seemed packed, people coming from everywhere. The crowd was a sea of colours, the noise was deafening. Alec was both overwhelmed and curious. He slowed down, letting his siblings pull on ahead, and then it clicked. Pride. Alec froze. His senses dulled, and everything around him seemed to move in slow motion. People were cheering everywhere he turned, but the curl of dread inside his stomach wouldn’t let up. His vision blurred into a myriad of colours, every colour of the rainbow. He whipped around, trying to find a sense of direction again, and each breath he took pierced his lungs harder and harder. He was faintly aware of a man shaking him slightly, asking him if he was okay, but Alec couldn’t snap out of it. It was like both fire and ice were coursing through his veins, the ice coming first to freeze and to numb, before the fire came rushing through, burning every cell in his body. Alec could faintly hear a loud female voice yelling his name, before the faint, blurry silhouette of Izzy filled his vision. With a sharp tug, she dragged him out of the crowd and into a cafe, seating them both at a table. She then pulled him into her chest and held him until he calmed down.

Alec can’t really remember what happened between then and getting home. He knows he cried, he remembers apologising to Izzy for getting her wet. He remembers Izzy’s hands running through his hair, as she whispered words of comfort in his ears, trying to get him to match his breathing to her own. He remembers Jace storming in, and then it’s all a blur until the next morning where he found himself in bed, Izzy on one side and Jace on the other, Max settled on top of him, his small body curled into his older brother’s chest. It’s a memory he hates to think about.

Alec thinks that maybe, it’s time to make some new ones.

Magnus had spent the early part of the morning dragging Alec through his old favourite streets, pointing out where he used to frequent and where he used to live. Magnus’ joy felt contagious, his nostalgia transforming into something excited and happy, as opposed to something that was an unwelcome weight upon Magnus’ shoulders. Alec also found himself being introduced to many people who Magnus’ knew back then, and every time one of them asked how Magnus had stayed looking so young, they were met with a cheeky wink, before Magnus gave them his phone number and took off, Alec in tow.

It’s a little later now, and Alec has his arm around Magnus’ waist as the other man chats animatedly to couple selling pride flags. Alec thinks the two women look beautiful. Their eyes are shining and their smiles are wide and bright. They look like there’s nowhere else they’d rather be. Alec’s lips quirk up into a small smile as he notices the wedding rings on both their fingers. He finds himself thinking about the velvet box hidden in Izzy’s room at the Institute. Alec doesn’t know when he’s going to propose, but it’s going to be soon, and Alec can’t wait to marry the shit out of Magnus Bane.

Magnus drapes a gay pride flag over Alec and hugs a bi pride flag to himself, before clutching Alec’s hand and steering him to a spot where it’s a bit quieter, but has a perfect view. Alec is practically vibrating with excitement. He can’t believe he’s finally here. All around him, he can see couples kissing and hugging and laughing together, and it encourages Alec to turn to Magnus and place a deep kiss on his lips. He smiles into the kiss, and he can feel Magnus laughing back. This is the best feeling in the world, Alec decides.

The crowd falls silent as the sound of drums and cheering gets closer. The air is suddenly saturated with coloured powder, every colour of the spectrum mixing in the atmosphere, filling the sky with a sea of colour. And then the crowd erupts. It’s louder than it has been all day; people are jumping, shouting, kissing, hugging. The euphoria in the air is so thick it’s almost tangible.

The rainbow flag draped loosely around Alec’s shoulders feels weightless. It’s where it belongs, Alec supposes.  He’s where he belongs. Beside him, Magnus is there, where he always is. The bisexual pride flag is resting on his shoulders, and Magnus looks radiant. The pink, purple, and blue hues bathe his skin, setting it alight in a blaze of bright colours. Alec brings Magnus’ hand up, and places a small kiss on the back of it, before releasing it. He then reaches round, pulls the flag down from his shoulders, before holding it up to the sky as a symbol of hope and pride. He is reminded of New York, all those years ago, but the memory doesn’t seem so bitter anymore. Here, in the aftermath of his journey towards complete happiness, he feels free. The memories of that day that have haunted him for what feels like a lifetime dissipate into nothingness, and are replaced by newer, happier ones. Ones that remind him of how he feels in this very moment. It’s bliss.

Alec tilts his head up and looks into the bright blue sky. His skin is warm, but the roar of the crowd sends shivers down his spine. He closes his eyes to try and stop the tears of happiness escaping, but it’s no use. He feels Magnus shift beside him and reach for his hand, giving it a small squeeze. Magnus’ presence grounds Alec, bringing him back into the moment. Alec is so happy. The happiest he’s ever been really. He feels celebrated, loved, and supported, like he now has this whole new found family where he can truly be himself. He never thought he could have this, never thought he could be in the middle of the street, waving a pride flag towards the sky, surrounded by people like him. But there he is, standing under the light of what feels like a million suns, basking in the warm rush of San Francisco Pride 2018, and he feels infinite.

He feels free.

**Author's Note:**

> ???????? cool story time
> 
> i was in new york last summer with my parents and accidentally found myself on fifth during the pride parade .. so that's kinda where the #insp for this fic came from !!!
> 
> idk how to do all that fancy linky stuff to my socials so my tumblr is willjtudor and my twitter is ultrasunbeam if y'all wanna chat or something idk
> 
> sick !! have a great day x


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